Something inside me is quietly coming undone
Not dramatic. Not visible to most.
But it’s there. Persistent and exhausting.

Lately, I’ve felt like I’m chasing my own thoughts. My memory slips. I walk into rooms and forget why. My brain is noisy and foggy at the same time. I’m tired, but wired. And everything - from grocery shopping to replying to texts - feels heavier than it should.

Sometimes I wonder…
Is this menopause? Is it ADHD I’ve had all along? Is it the years of pushing through chronic stress catching up with me?

My body is changing in ways I didn’t expect. My skin, digestion, and hormones feel out of sync. There are gut issues and weird physical symptoms of aches and pains that just get attributed as normal with “getting older.”  This just adds to me feeling invisible.

 My sleep is broken. I wake up tired. Some days, even the smallest tasks feel impossible.

No one talks about this part of midlife.

No one talks about how  it feels to live in a body and mind you no longer understand, that in some ways feels alien to you.  All the while trying to ignore the persistent thoughts, whispering  “What’s wrong with me?” while still wearing the smile mask and tending to others because that’s what I’ve always done. 

I find myself looking back at all the things I didn’t do, or didn’t do “right”—the lost time, the career that stalled, the marriage that drifted, the friendship that was canceled, kids growing up faster than I can process. There’s grief there. And regret. And some shame I rarely admit out loud.

I wonder…
Did I waste my potential?
Why didn’t I advocate for myself sooner?
Why does everyone else seem to handle things better?
Why do I feel so sad sometimes—and other times, completely numb?

I’ve always been the fixer. The helper. The strong one.
But now I’m struggling with…

Emotional outbursts that don’t match the moment

Perfectionism that paralyzes me

People-pleasing habits I can’t break

An inner critic that never shuts up

A sense of deep fatigue that isn’t just physical

Relationships that feel one-sided or disconnected

Loneliness from a lack off or loss of friendships 

Isolation - even in a room full of people

Anxiety that I mask with overthinking and over-functioning

Shame about the habits I use to cope

Doctors offer rushed appointments, friends don’t quite get it, and online advice feels scattered or surface-level. I’m piecing together symptoms, trying to make sense of it all while still pushing through the day.

And even though I’m “high functioning,” … inside, I feel like I’m quietly falling apart.

I try to talk myself out of it.
“You’re just tired.” “You’re lucky compared to others.” “Don’t make a big deal about it”

But I’m starting to realize: I don’t want to just survive this season. I want to feel like myself again—or maybe, like someone new. Someone whole.

I’m tired of being brushed off and told, “That’s just part of aging - get used to it”
Because I refuse to accept this.
I still have decades ahead of me—and I want to live them, not just manage them.

I want support that sees beyond symptoms.  Beyond labels and diagnoses.  I want care that honors everything I’ve carried - and helps me step into what’s next with clarity and strength.

Not quick fixes or surface-level advice - but a space where I can lay it all down and finally exhale.
Because I’m done holding my breath.
It’s time to unravel in a way that leads to healing - not hiding.
It’s time to stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
and start asking, “What’s next for me?”